Postpartum depression: The part of motherhood we don’t talk about

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Each maternity romantic-the first crying, the little fingers wrap around you, the heart trapped. But behind the perfect moments of these pictures there is a truth that no one warns you. No one talks about the discomfort that lives after the birth or C -section of the baby, hormonal accident that hijacked your emotions, frustrated with the struggle to breastfeed at night, without sleeping, and restraining to preserve a delicate little life. And perhaps the most disastrous, the most destructive of the hidden storms of postpartum sadness.

My experience of postpartum sadness was the darkest and most difficult periods of my life. It felt like I was living in a deep, isolated hole with my identity as a new mother, trying to drown an unprecedented advice from everyone around me, and fighting the infinite dilapidated situation of anger, sadness and confusion. There were moments when I questioned my decision to become a mother. Don’t get me wrong – I like my child beyond words. “Love” doesn’t even start explaining it. But I often found myself feeling that someone told me what I was feeling is fine to feel – that’s normal. That was not my fault.

And this is the place where the real problem is: in silence. Later, many women who face sadness do not even realize what is happening to them. Awareness and lack of dialogue around the PPD makes it so difficult for those who recognize the signs for help. Even with an auxiliary husband, I felt lonely – because it doesn’t matter how much he wants to help, he couldn’t fully understand what I was undergoing, or why I could not get out of him.

I blamed my constant anger, tired and emotional roller coaster over sleep deprivation. But in depth, I knew it’s more. Having a week’s internal battles to persuade yourself to seek professional help. Not being able to give my son 100 % pressed me to find a physician who mastered depression. I finally started therapy when I was postpartum to four months, and it was not easy. Trusting with your pain, being afraid of a decision as a new mother, thinking that my physician will really understand. But I kept going. Because I wanted to find myself again. And slowly, he helped.

I was lucky I had a husband who encouraged me to stay with therapy. I had a physician who reminded me that what I was feeling was right, none of my fault was my fault, and that it was more than enough to keep my child alive. Slowly, my point of view began to change. I started to feel a little lighter. A little stronger I started claiming myself again.

Mental health is one of the most neglected aspects of health care in Pakistan, and subsequent depression has barely been recognized. I wish more women talk openly about their experiences. I wish gynecologists are asked about mental health as usual during postpartum checkups. I wish the society should not be expected to be a hero without asking new mothers.

Postpartum depression is real. It is weak. And unless you live through it, it is difficult to truly understand its tool. If you feel yourself beyond character or overwhelmed, please know – there is no shame in achieving help. A mentally healthy mother is essential for nurturing a happy, healthy baby. You don’t need to be isolated. Reach is the first step towards healing.

Miran Yusuf is an experienced communication professional with more than ten years in strategic and crisis communication, digital marketing, and advocacy. Its work covers development, public health and humanitarian sector. He has obtained a degree of social studies from the sentence, Karachi, and is currently serving as the coordinator of communication and partnerships in the Sindh Government of Health and Population Welfare, the Government of Sindh.